INDEX
abstraction 25, 26 abuse 180-5,211-12 accommodation 18, 142 accounts 14, 70, 75-82; barriers to
apology 80-2; forgiveness 203, 204, 212; types of 76-80
accusations 28, 29 active distancing 70 actor-observer bias 134 affection 44, 45-6, 91, 178, 197 aggression 37, 56, 57, 58; abusive relationships 184; alcohol impact on 51; consensual schemata 122; driving behavior 67; impact of parental conflict on children 191; narcissism 93, 94, 96; shame 82; stress 63; verbal 89, 183; see also hostility
agreeableness 20, 84, 85-6 agreement 22, 36 alcohol 13, 50-1, 55 altercasting 107 altruism 107, 109 ambiguity 125 anger 56-9, 64; abusive
relationships 181-2; attributions 135; environmental instigators 66, 67; holding on to 208; impact on health 165, 167; letting go of 196, 197-8, 199, 211; neuroticism 86, 87; serial arguments 173;
shame 82; transgressions 70, 71; unforgiveness 197 antagonism 45-6, 84, 85
anxiety: impact of parental conflict on children 191; neuroticism 86; serial arguments 176; stress 62, 63, 65, 66 anxious/ambivalent attachment 89-92 apologies 72, 77-8, 80, 82; barriers
to 80-2; forgiveness 195, 196, 199, 204, 209; immediate 210;
reconciliation 211
appraisals 65-6, 129 approval 22 argumentativeness 84, 88-9, 183 arousal 52-3, 57, 58, 59; diffuse physiological arousal 187; environmental instigators 66, 67; secondary goals 155
arrogance 93, 94, 128
asking 107-8, 109
attachment styles 89-92 attack-counterattack pattern 35 attribution control 6-7, 8, 9, 136 attributions 12, 69, 132-6, 188;
accounts 79, 80, 204; Attribution Efficacy Model 136; biases 134-6;
dimensions of 132-4; goals 162; power issues 116-17
availability heuristic 124 aversive stimulation 106, 107 avoidance 10, 12, 18, 19, 20; cultural
differences 141, 142, 145; divorce 188; individualism versus collectivism 143; negative forgiveness 197; negative mood regulation 55; nonconfrontation 27; serial arguments 172
avoidant attachment 89—92
benevolent approach 140 betrayal 69, 70, 128
bias: attribution 134—6; bias blind
spot 124; perceptual differences 126; self-other 125; transgressions 72—3
‘Big Five' personality factors 84—8 binge drinking 50
blame 28, 29, 35, 54, 71; abusive relationships 181, 184;
attributions 132, 136; impact of parental conflict on children 191;
refusal to accept 204; see also responsibility
brain 50, 51, 57, 59, 187, 207
breaks in conflict interaction 58—9 burnout 62
cajoling 36 cardiovascular system 164—5, 167 cascade models: divorce 185—7; serial
arguments 172, 175 change of topic 29, 33 children: attachment styles 89—90; impact
of parental conflict on 189—94; parental power over 102, 111, 115, 116;
punishment of 128; shared activities 40 closedness 84, 85
coercive power 105, 111, 115, 116, 117 cognitive appraisals 65—6, 129 cognitive-behavioral perspective 203 coherence 65, 66
collaboration 18—19, 142; see also cooperation
collectivism 138-9, 140-2, 143-4, 145, 146-7
commitment: attachment styles 90; forgiveness 203-4; maintenance behaviors 39; reconciliation 211, 212;
transgressions 73, 74 communal approach 140 communication 4, 15-37; alcohol
impact on 51; ambiguity of 125; communication skill deficit
hypothesis 182-3; constructive communication skills 146-7;
DINN of conflict 21-2, 29; dual process model 39; emotions 52, 53; expectations 15-17; goals 153-4, 155, 156-9, 160-2; implicit thoughts about 158-9; low-context versus high- context 141, 144; paralanguage 58; personality differences 84; reciprocation and complementarity 34-7; relational quality 38; selective perception 17; serial arguments 12, 173-5; shared activities 42, 48; strategic approach 19-21; stress impact on 66; styles approach 18-19; supportive 44; tactics 22-34; transgressions 72; see also nonverbal communication compensation 72, 198 competition 10, 18, 20, 133; cultural differences 142, 143, 145; direct fighting tactics 29; indirect fighting tactics 32
complain-justification pattern 35 complaint-countercomplaint pattern 35,
173, 175, 176-8 compliance-gaining tactics 105-9, 111-12 compromise 18, 19, 22, 30, 86, 142 concessions 22, 70, 77, 204 conditional forgiveness 73 confirm-agree pattern 36 conflict: attachment styles 90-2; confusing
nature of 5-6; definitions of 1; dual process model 38-9; goals 156-8, 160-2; impact on health 164-9; role of forgiveness 210, 212;
shared activities 40-1, 42; see also interpretation of the conflict conflict instigation see instigators conformity orientation 122 confrontation 10, 200 conscientiousness 84, 85 consciousness 5 consensual schemata 122 consistency 79, 133 contempt 33, 35, 181, 187 contracting 36 control 6-7, 14; abusive
relationships 184; attributions 133; depression 59-60; Dyadic Power Theory 109, 110; power issues 113-16; stress 66; see also attribution control; episodic control; personal control
convergence 36 conversational orientation 122 cooperation 10, 20, 132;
agreeableness 85; cultural differences 142, 145; dual process model 39
criticism 23, 28, 29, 183, 187 crowds 67
cultural norms 104
culture 13, 137—47, 155—6;
argumentativeness 89; conflict face negotiation theory 145—7; individualism versus collectivism 138— 9, 140-2, 143-4, 145, 146-7;
low-context versus high-context communication 141, 144; power distance 139-41; self-construal 142-3,
144- 5
cynical world view 208
debt 106 deception 69, 70 decisions 19-20 “defensive internals” 99 defensiveness 29, 31, 32, 33, 187;
depression 60; narcissism 93;
neuroticism 87; personality differences 85; reciprocation 35 demands 62 demand-withdraw pattern 29-32,
34; abusive relationships 182; depression 60; locus of control 97; reciprocation 35; serial arguments 173,
175, 176, 177-8; supportive messages 44
denial: implicit 25, 26, 32; nonassertive- denial behaviors 57; transgressions 70 dependence 104-5 depression 13, 55, 59-61, 71, 207;
failure to forgive 209; impact of parental conflict on children 191; neuroticism 86, 87; serial arguments 176
descriptive statements 23, 36 diffuse physiological arousal (DPA) 187 DINN of conflict 21-2, 29 direct fighting tactics 20, 21, 28-32;
anger 56, 57, 58; attributions 135; cultural differences 141, 142, 145; depression 60; dual process model 39; goals 160; interruptions 53;
narcissism 96; neuroticism 87; power issues 115; serial arguments 173, 175,
176, 177; sibling conflicts 87 disagreement 23, 29, 35 disapproval 23
disclosure 21-2, 23 disengagement 25, 85, 91, 172 distorted thinking 54, 55 distraction 25 distributive behavior 28, 30, 70;
aggressive 57, 58; goals 157-8, 161 divorce 38-9, 40-1, 42, 45-6, 185-9, 193-4
dominance 18, 19, 103, 113, 142; abusive relationships 181; cultural differences 142; serial arguments 171-2; see also power
driving 67
Dual Concerns approach 38-9 Dyadic Power Theory 109-10 dysphoric affect 33
embarrassment 72, 145 emotional infidelity 69 emotional stability 84, 85 emotions 49, 51, 52-3; attributions of responsibility 135; depression 59-61; forgiveness 197, 198, 201, 203; impact of parental conflict on children 190; individualism versus collectivism 143; subjective appraisals 129; supportive communication 44; see also anger empathy 36, 43, 96; forgiveness 197, 199, 201, 203, 209; perspective taking 129 endocrine system 165-6, 167, 207 environmental instigators 66-7 episodic control 6-7, 8, 49, 67;
alcohol 51; anger 56, 58, 59; breaks in conflict interaction 58, 59; depression 59, 60, 61; moods 55; stress 62, 66
ethical issues 3 ethnocentrism 146 ethnorelativism 146 evasive remarks 32 exciting activities 41, 42 excuses 70, 76, 78-9, 80, 196, 204; defensiveness 29; negotiation tactics 22; nonconfrontation tactics 25 expectational forgiveness 201 expectations 15-17, 121, 157, 171, 177 expert power 105, 115, 116 expertise 106, 107 external attributions 132, 133-4, 135 external locus of control 97, 99-100 external problem description 22, 56-7 externalizing problems 191-3 extraversion 84, 86, 209
face: conflict face negotiation theory
145- 7; forgiveness 208, 209; goals 153, 155-6, 159, 161; selfconstrual 143, 144-5; transgressions 72 fairness 22, 37, 56, 57 families 122-3
fathers 62—3
field of vision 120, 126, 128
fighting tactics see direct fighting tactics;
indirect fighting tactics ‘First Big Fights' (FBF) 8 forgiveness 12, 80, 82, 195—212; benefits
of 206-7; definitions of 196, 197; motivations for 71, 199, 203-4; process of 200-3; reconciliation and 211-12; refusal to forgive 207-9; role in strategic conflict 210; seeking and receiving 72, 77, 209; strategies for 199-200; types of 73-4, 197-9 friendships 69-70 frustration 56, 66, 67 fundamental attribution error 134
generational conflict 95, 96 goals 3-4, 5, 14, 16, 148-63,
210; achieving 153-6; conflict communication 156-8, 160-2; content and function 151-3; differences among 149-50; goal control 6-7, 8, 159; goal emergence 7, 8, 9, 19; importance and commitment 150; individualism versus collectivism 143-4; locus of control 97, 100; nature of 149; planning 150-1; power issues 102, 103, 112, 117; sensitivity 162-3; serial arguments 171-2
Golden Rule 17 grandiose narcissism 93 grudges 207, 208-9 guilt: attributions 135; forgiveness 198,
202, 204, 209; guilt induction 33, 70, 87; refusal to accept one's own 82; transgressors 72
happiness 3, 41, 54, 135-6 hate 71
health problems 2-3, 63, 164-9, 176, 179, 207
heart disease 2-3, 164-5 heuristics 54, 124, 135 hollow forgiveness 198 hormones 165-6, 167 hostility 28, 30, 56, 207; abusive relationships 181; depression 60; goals 161; impact on health 165; narcissism 94; serial arguments 173, 174, 176-7, 178; sibling conflicts 87; unforgiveness 197; see also aggression humor 23, 25, 72, 94, 199, 209 hurt: accounts 78, 80, 82; cynical world view 208; forgiveness 195, 196, 199, 201, 203, 212; intentionality 133; perception of 129; reciprocal pattern of harm 210; transgressions 69, 71, 73, 75
identity 37, 56, 76, 160; culture/ individual mismatches 144; power and 102; secondary goals 155; selfpresentation goals 152, 154 immunological system 63, 166-7, 207 impartial approach 139-40 implicit denial 25, 26, 32 impression management 152 impulsivity 56, 57, 58 incompatibilities 38, 40; goals 148, 163;
neuroticism 87, 88
independent construal of self 143, 144-5 indirect fighting tactics 20, 21, 32-4; dual process model 39; neuroticism 87; serial arguments 175
individualism 138-9, 140-2, 143-4, 145,
146- 7
infidelity 69, 70, 93 information power 105, 116 information processing 54, 55, 119, 135, 136
information sharing 162-3 instigators 7, 8, 12, 19, 49-67;
alcohol 50-1; anger 56-9; depression 59-61; environmental 66-7; moods and emotions 51-6; power 112; stress 61-6
instrumental goals 3-4, 109, 151-7, 159, 160-1, 210
integrative strategies 132, 142, 157-8, 161, 163
integrative-assertive behaviors 57-8 intentionality 69, 133 interaction control 6-7, 11 intercultural conflict see culture interdependent construal of self 143, 144-5
internal attributions 132, 133, 134, 135, 188
internal locus of control 96, 97, 99-100 internal problem description 23 interpretation of the conflict 7, 8, 9, 19, 118-36; attributions 132-6; perception processes 120-3; perceptual accuracy 123-5; perceptual differences 120, 125-8; perspective taking 129-32; roles and perception 128-9 interruptions: hostile 29, 174, 181; positive 23, 53
intimacy, fear of 90 intimidation 28
intractable conflict 170, 178 introversion 84 invisible power 104
jealousy 69, 70, 71, 90 justice 200, 208 justification 70, 76—7, 79, 80
knowledge 3, 145—6
laissez-faire schemata 122, 123 latent power 104 lawful expectational forgiveness 201 legitimate power 105, 110-11, 115, 116 liking 106
locus of control 13, 96-100 loneliness 86
love: abusive relationships 184; attachment styles 89; Dual Concerns approach 38; forgiveness 197, 201, 203; narcissism 93; negotiation tactics 22; sex differences 42; supportive messages 43
maintenance behaviors 39, 42, 45, 48, 178, 187
Management of Differences Exercise (MODE) 18
manifest power 104 marital satisfaction 41, 42, 45-6, 60, 185-7; see also relational quality means control 111-12 memory 121, 123, 157 message complexity 159
Message Design Logics (MDLs) 158-9 message production 7, 9-10 metacommunication 23, 29, 35, 36 mindfulness 3, 4-5, 14, 17, 67, 146 mind-reading 23, 35, 36 model of strategic conflict 6-14 moods 51-6, 66, 135-6, 175-6 moral appeal 106 mothers 63
motivation 3 mutual-face concern 144, 145
narcissism 13, 92-6 negative affect 35, 86, 88, 133, 197 negative attitude 33 negative forgiveness 197
negative mood regulation (NMR) 55-6 negative tactics 34-7, 107-9, 186, 189 negativity bias 134-5 negotiation 20, 21, 22-4, 48, 54,
56-7, 189; abusive relationships 185; agreeableness 85, 86; attachment styles 90-1; cultural differences 141, 142, 145; goals 163; power issues 115; serial arguments 177, 178-9 neuroticism 84, 85, 86-8 noise 66
nonassertive-denial behaviors 57 noncommittal remarks 25, 32 nonconfrontation 20, 21, 25-7, 86, 189 nonverbal communication: attachment styles 90; forgiveness 74, 199-200, 209; personality differences 85; power 103; supportiveness 43; turnoffs 29
norms 104, 109, 158 nurturing 59-60, 61
objectives, strategic 7, 12, 14 obliging style 18, 19, 142 openness 84, 85, 122-3 optimism 88, 135-6, 178, 179 other-face concern 144-5 other-oriented strategies 107-8
paralanguage 58
parents: attachment styles 89; impact of parental conflict on children 189-94; power over children 102, 111, 115, 116; punishment by 128 passive-aggressive behaviors 57 perceived resolvability 176, 177, 178-9 perception 5, 120-32, 136; accuracy of 123-5; differences in 120, 125-8; perspective taking 129-32; processes 120-3; roles 128-9; selective 17, 119, 121 persistence 115, 117 personal control 6-7, 8, 9, 84; attachment styles 92; locus of control 96, 99, 100 personal insult 29 personality differences 7, 8-9, 19, 83-101, 142; argumentativeness 84, 88-9; attachment styles 89-92; “Big Five” personality factors 84-8; locus of control 96-100; narcissism 92-6 perspective taking 129-32, 200 persuasion schema 107-9 physical interaction 23 plans 150—1, 152 pluralistic schemata 122—3 politeness 37, 155, 156 polysemy 20 positive affect 36, 41, 44, 45—6, 133—4 positive forgiveness 197 positivity 45—8 power 85, 102-17; betrayals 70;
compliance-gaining tactics 105-9, 111-12; conflict instigation 112; conflict outcomes 116-17; definitions of 103; during conflict 113-16; Dyadic Power Theory 109-10; functional uses of 110-12; multidimensionality 103-5; nature of 102-3
power bases 103-4, 105, 109, 110-12, 115, 116, 117
power distance 139-41 pragmatics 157 pre-giving 106 presumptive remarks 28, 31, 175 primary goals 151, 153, 155, 157, 162 priming 52-3 prioritization of tasks 66 problem-solving 97, 100, 133, 161, 178,
186
procedural remarks 32 promises 106, 111 proposal-counterproposal pattern 35 protective schemata 122, 123 pseudo-apologies 78 punctuation problem 119, 126 punishment 200, 208 pursuit 29
put-downs 28, 31, 87, 129, 175
qualifying statements 25, 26 questioning: hostile 12, 28, 30, 174;
noncommittal 25
recall 121-2, 123, 135 reciprocation 6, 12, 34-7, 128; negativity
bias 135; revenge 71, 210; serial arguments 177 reconciliation 196, 203, 210, 211-12 referent power 105, 111, 115, 116 reflection 22-3 refusal to comply 29 refusal to give an account 70, 77, 79, 80 rejection 29, 30, 69, 174 relational goals 3-4, 151, 154-7, 159,
160-2 relational quality 38-9, 120, 185-7, 189; depression 61; positivity 45, 48; secondary goals 155; serial arguments 177-9; shared activities 40-1, 42, 48; supportiveness 43-5 relationship-enhancing bias 135 religious beliefs 210-11 reproach 75, 80-1, 195, 200, 203 responsibility 14, 22, 73;
attributions 132-3, 135; excuses 76, 78-9, 196; forgiveness 198-9, 209; pseudo-apologies 78; reconciliation 211; refusal to accept 29, 82, 204; serial arguments 177; see also blame responsible expression of emotion 57-8 restitutional forgiveness 201 revenge 70-1, 198, 208, 210, 212; letting go of desire for 197, 199, 201, 203, 211; revengeful forgiveness 200 reward power 105, 111, 115, 116 rewards 38
role schemata 121
rules: attributions 121; for conflict behavior 16; transgressions 68-70, 71, 72, 73
rumination 12, 54, 59, 74, 172, 176, 177, 178, 212
salience heuristic 124 sarcasm 29, 31, 174, 175 schemata 121, 122-3 scripts 121 secondary goals 153, 155, 162 secure attachment 89-92 selective attention 63 selective perception 17, 119, 121 self-confidence 54, 93, 94 self-construal 142-3, 144-5 self-efficacy 54, 65, 96 self-esteem 59, 107, 129, 208; abuse victims 211-12; individualism 143; narcissism 92-3; transgressions 71 self-face concern 144 self-feeling 106-7 self-image 83, 142-3 self-oriented strategies 107-8 self-other bias 125 self-presentation 12, 76, 78; goals 3-4, 152, 154, 156-7, 159, 160-2; narcissism 96
self-serving bias 72-3, 134, 136 senses 120-1
sensitivity 162—3
serial arguments 12, 170—9; characteristics of 171—2; communication patterns 173—5; determinants of 172; effects on individuals 175—7; relational well-being 177-9
sex 41, 47
sex differences 9; constitution of an offense 81; depression 60; shared activities 42, 43 sexual abuse 211-12 sexual infidelity 69 shame 82, 198 shared activities 39, 40-3, 44, 48 sibling conflicts 87 silence: breaks in conflict interaction 58;
refusal to give an account 77, 79, 80 silent forgiveness 198 skills 3, 6; communication skill deficit
hypothesis 182-3; constructive communication 146-7; social 60-1 sleep 189-90 sleeper effect 124 social harmony, forgiveness as 201 social principles 107-8 social skills 60-1 social validation 162 socioemotional reciprocation 36 spillovers 62-3 status-achievement approach 140 stimulation 120-1 stonewalling 29, 33, 58, 187 strategies 1, 14, 15, 18, 19-21;
anger management 57-9; cultural differences 141-2, 145; dealing with transgressions 71; DINN of conflict 21; face concerns 161; forgiveness 199-200, 209; goals 157-8, 159; marital satisfaction 186; personality differences 85; persuasion schema 107-9; power bases 105, 112; serial arguments 178; see also tactics strategy control 6-7, 10 stress 43, 61-6, 179; attachment styles 91;
forgiveness 198; impact on health 165-6, 167; serial arguments 176 styles approach 18-19 summarizing 35, 36 supportiveness 23, 36, 43-5, 48, 61, 178 symbols 15
taboo, making a topic 179 tactics 1, 15, 18, 20; compliance
gaining 105-9, 111-12; cultural differences 142, 145; DINN of conflict 21-2; direct fighting 28-32; goals 161; indirect fighting 324; negotiation 22-4; nonconfrontation 25-7; positive-to- negative ratio 186; reciprocating or complementing negative 34-7; see also strategies
task-oriented reciprocation 36 teasing 25, 54, 128-9, 183 therapy 13 threat 28, 57, 106, 107, 111 topic avoidance 33 total forgiveness 198 traffic 67
transgressions 14, 68-74; see also accounts;
forgiveness triangulation 193, 194 trust 43, 70, 116; forgiveness 195;
maintenance behaviors 39; reconciliation 211 turnoffs 29
undisciplined behavior 84, 85 unfaithfulness 69, 70 unforgiveness 197, 201, 207
validation 36, 162 verbal aggression 89, 183 victim status 208 violence: abusive relationships 180-5;
towards transgressor 70 visual dominance ratio 103 vulnerable narcissism 93 withdrawal 29, 60, 62-3, 191 withholding of information 29 women: abusive relationships 181, 182,
183-4; shared activities 40, 42, 43 workplace stress 62, 63-5