Negotiation Tactics
Negotiation refers to various tactics that people use to make their points directly but in a cooperative manner. Table 2.1 lists the subcategories and tactics that compose negotiation.
Of course, people can still disagree with each other, but they do so in ways not to offend or to cause the other to respond in a hostile manner. More positive outcomes emerge by using negotiation rather than other strategies, at least in the US and similar countries. The following strategies and tactics represent negotiation behaviors.TABLE 2.1 Negotiation Tactics
Shows Willingness to Manage the Problem
• Acceptance of responsibility—showing "ownership" (part or whole) of cause of conflict. ("I shouldn't show so much anger." "Maybe we're both at fault.")
• Discussing courses of action—exploring consequences for courses of action in a nonhostile way. (Discussing pros and cons.)
• External problem description—one or both parties attributes the conflict to an external source for the problem. ("I can't play with a sprained ankle." "Yeah, I know.")
• Concession—expression of willingness to change behavior (includes apologies) ("Okay, I'll cook on the weekends too.")
• Compromise—proposal of mutual exchange of behaviors. ("If you do the cooking, I'll clean up.")
• Pleading and coaxing—appeals to fairness, appeals to love, appeals to the other's motives.
• Nonhostile proposal: nonhostile proposal for termination/decrease OR initiation/increase of some behavior.
Supports the Partner
• Agreement—direct and clear agreement.
• Approval—responding favorably to attributes, actions, or statements of the speaker, including assents. ("Yeah," clearly in support ofspeaker.)
• Excusing of other—excusing behavior of other. ("You wouldn't fight, if your mother didn't bring it on.")
• Paraphrase reflection—nonhostile statement mirroring the preceding statement.
("I hear you saying.. "I think you're saying.. "What you're saying...”)• Positive mind reading—statement of "fact” assuming positive mind-set or motive of partner. ("You really enjoy playing golf.” "You like being a generous person.”)
• Supportive remarks—statements reflecting support, acceptance, and positive regard for partner. Offering assistance. ("You are so sweet.”)
• Laughter (at something that was intended to be funny, nonhostile).
• Positive physical interaction—affectionate touch, hug, or kiss.
• Positive interruption—statement that provides support for partner's thoughts.
• Constructive metacommunication—nonhostile statement about the conversation, said in a neutral or positive tone. ("I think we have drifted away from the problem at hand.” "I like how you said that.”)
Seeks Disclosure
• Solicitation of disclosure—nonhostile request for the partner to reveal feelings or attitudes/seeking reassurance.
• Solicitation of criticism—nonhostile request for criticism. ("Do you think I am spending too much time away from you and the family?”)
Offers Disclosure
• Disclosive statements—nonhostile reporting of feelings, attitudes, motives, actions, etc. ("I'm not too crazy about the way your brother talks to me.”)
• Descriptive statements—nonhostile observation. ("Sometimes the garbage can sit there for days.”)
• Internal problem description—description of a problem residing inside the speaker. ("I know I have a tough time discussing money.”)
• Disapproval—nonhostile statement of dislike or disapproval of a behavior. ("It hurts my eyes when you smoke.”)
• Disagreement—nonhostile statement expressing disagreement. ("I don't think that is entirely the situation.”)
Because people largely experience conflict in a negative manner, the use of negotiation can be difficult. However, negotiation allows one to maintain his or her emotional regulation, the ability to edit one’s messages, and avoid negative health consequences from using negative emotions.
Moreover, the use of negotiation permits the social actor to retain his/her dignity. The following exchange shows how negotiation occurs between these partners (from CA couple 32).More specifically, note how the husband excuses his wife’s lack of financial responsibility in turns 15.3—15.8; and she acknowledges her role in the conflict in turn 16. The husband then states she has become more responsible and that his money is actually hers as well.
Turn Speaker Message
15.1 M Nextquestion.
15.2 To what extent do you have problems with or disagreements about money? For example, how much to spend, how much to save, one person spends too much money?
15.3 Well, Laura, she doesn’t have a lot of fiscal responsibility,
15.4 because she never had to have it
15.5 because her parents gave her money all the time and she really didn’t have to earn it or she didn’t really have to a, manage her money really well.
15.6 It’s not her fault
15.7 but she never was taught or never had the opportunity to do that.
16.1 F Well, but though since we’ve been married... I have, I’ve been a
full time student
16.2 so I haven’t made money
16.3 and I have taken into consideration that you’re the one who makes the money
16.4 and I don’t buy anything that’s a lot of money without asking you first.
17.1 M That’s good.
17.2 I’m not saying you’re not doing a good job.
17.3 You’re doing a good job, now.
17.4 I’m just saying, it took a while... [lengthy pause]
17.5 for you to get used to it.
17.6 And now you’re doing pretty good.
17.7 And now you’re responsible.
18.1 F Now I’m getting ready to make my own money,
17.2 I’m gonna have to start all over again.
18.1 M No.
18.2 There’s no my money or your money.
18.3 It’s our money.