You Hurt the Ones You Love
The Extent and Nature of Violence
Approximately 20% to 30% of marriages involve some form of physical, sexual, or verbal (psychological) abuse within the past year, with approximately 10% of marriages involving serious injury (Fincham, 2003; Marshall, 1994; Leonard & Roberts, 1998).
As the following material shows, how people manage conflict plays a large role in whether or not they engage in abusive behaviors. This observation is clearly supported from studies that have compared physically abusive couples to other types (e.g., Babcock, Waltz, Jacobson, & Gottman, 1993; Gordis, Margolin, & Vickerman, 2005; Holtzworth-Munroe, Zmutzler, & Stuart, 1998). In our view, physical, sexual, and psychological abuse are behavioral strategies that partners (mostly men) adopt to get their way and these behavioral strategies intersect with conflict strategies in critically important ways.Indeed, much of the research on spousal abuse is based on the premise that interventions into abusive relationships must take into account how couples manage conflict between them. As Burman, Margolin, and John (1993) stated:
We believe that that an important step in designing appropriate interventions is understanding the process whereby some couples are able to express disagreement and disapproval and yet move to conflict resolution, whereas others maintain a static cycle of anger and disapproval, and still others escalate into more severe forms of aggression. (p. 28)
This section discusses the research to date on this process.
Before continuing, it is important to acknowledge a difference between violence that occurs sporadically and violence that is ongoing. Johnson (1995, 2001) has identified two forms of violence in marriage—common couple violence and patriarchal terrorism. Common couple violence concerns sporadic forms of violence that are initiated by men and women alike. Patriarchal terrorism refers to violence that is used to control the partner in an ongoing manner, and it is largely male- initiated. In fact, Johnson (2001) found men and women equally engaged in common couple violence, but 97% of ongoing abuse was perpetrated by the male. The following paragraphs review the major findings concerning the link between conflict communication and spousal abuse.