Concluding remarks
Both humility and romantic love give less weight to the comparative concern, thereby implying that some values in human behavior are beyond mechanistic comparisons. In humility, which is a general attitude toward all people, individual differences are of lesser weight.
They matter merely for specific circumstances, such as the professional arena, where meritocracy gives preference to those with particular accomplishments. In romantic love, whose essence is the connection between two specific lovers, the main concern is the relational one, namely, the suitability of the partners to each other. In light of the complex interactions between the lover and the beloved, the attitude of romantic love is based upon two scales measuring the value of the beloved: a comparative nonrelational scale and a relational scale whose main task is assessing the suitability of the beloved to the lover.The comparative concern in the suitability scale is of lesser weight.The similarity between humility and profound romantic love in giving less weight to the comparative concern indicates that humility, like other positive attitudes toward the partner such as commitment, forgiveness, generosity, gratitude, and respect, is good for romantic relationships. Empirical studies confirm that humility, in the sense of a global attitude toward other people, positively affects the satisfaction and stability of romantic relationships, and is related to greater commitment and forgiveness. Humility enables people to prioritize their partner or the relationship above their individual needs. Perceived humility in your partner is an active relational factor in its own right and not merely a function of a gracious outlook toward others (Davis, et al., 2016; Dwiwardani, et al., 2018).
It seems, then, that humility has not only a significant moral value, but an important romantic one as well.
References
Ben-Ze'ev,A. (1993).The virtue of modesty. American Philosophical Quarterly, 30, 235—246. Ben-Ze'ev, A. (2000). The Subtlety of Emotions. Cambridge, MA: MIT Press.
Ben-Ze'ev, A. (2019). The Arc of Love: How Our Romantic Lives Change over Time. Chicago, IL: University of Chicago Press.
Ben-Ze'ev, A., and Goussinsky, R. (2008). In the Name of Love: Romantic Ideology and Its Victims. Oxford: Oxford University Press.
Brown, R. (1987). Analyzing Love. Cambridge: Cambridge University Press.
Davidai, S., and Deri, S. (2019).The second pugilist's plight:Why people believe they are above average but are not especially happy about it. Journal of Experimental Psychology: General, 148(3), 570—587.
Davis, D. et al. (2011). Relational humility: Conceptualizing and measuring humility as a personality judgment. Journal of Personality Assessment, 93(3), 225—234.
Davis, D. et al. (2016). Relational humility. In: E. L.Worthington Jr, D. E. Davis, and J. N. Hook (Eds.), Handbook of Humility (pp. 105—118). New York: Routledge.
Dwiwardani, C., et al. (2018). Spelling HUMBLE with U and ME:The role of perceived humility in intimate partner relationships. The Journal of Positive Psychology, 13(5), 449—459.
Eastwick, P.W., and Hunt, L. L. (2014). Relational mate value: Consensus and uniqueness in romantic evaluations. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 106(5), 728—151.
Frank, R. H. (2006).When it comes to a search for a spouse, supply and demand is only the start. NewYork Times, 21/12/2006.
Frankfurt, H. G. (1987). Equality as a moral ideal. Ethics, 98(1), 21-43.
Gottman, J. (1995). Why Marriages Succeed or Fail. London: Bloomsbury.
Landau, I. (2017). Finding Meaning in an Imperfect World. Oxford: Oxford University Press.
Miller,W. I. (1993). Humiliation. Ithaca, New York: Cornell University Press.
Neff, L. A., and Karney, B. R. (2003). The dynamic structure of relationship perceptions: Differential importance as a strategy of relationship maintenance. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 29(11), 1433-1446.
Neff, L. A., and Karney, B. R. (2005).To know you is to love you:The implications of global adoration and specific accuracy for marital relationships. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 88(3), 480-497.
Rinofner-Kreidl, S. (2018). Gratitude. In: H. Landweer, and T. Szanto (Eds.), Handbook of Phenomenology of Emotions. London: Routledge.
Statman, D. (1992).Modesty,pride and realistic self-assessment. The Philosophical Quarterly, 42(169), 420-438.