CONCLUSION
In this chapter, we have presented several different approaches to understanding how personality may affect conflict behavior: one’s own behavior as well as that of the other with whom one is in conflict.
In brief, the psychodynamic theories stress the view that conflict might induce anxiety which, in turn, is likely to lead to various forms of defensive behavior, which can disrupt the constructive resolution of conflict. This approach suggests that in a conflict, it is important to know: (1) what makes you anxious (your “hot spots”); (2) when you are experiencing anxiety (your symptoms of anxiety); and (3) the defensive behaviors you tend to engage in when you are anxious. Such knowledge will help you to control your anxiety and to inhibit destructive, defensive behavior during a conflict. Also, this approach suggests that you understand that the other has “hot spots,” which you want to avoid and, that, if the other seems defensive, you might try to reduce his anxiety level by behavior on your part that makes the other feel more secure.
The need theories indicate that it is important to know what needs of yourself and the other are in the conflict. Your needs as well as the needs of the other in a conflict may not be well-represented in the “positions” that are expressed. Learning how to understand the needs of the other as well as of oneself is an important conflict resolution skill that can be acquired. (See Chapter One and Chapter Two of this book.) If the needs of the other, as well as one’s own, are not respected and addressed in a conflict agreement, the agreement is not likely to last.
The trait theories indicate that people who differ in personality traits also may differ in their approach to conflict and their behavior during a conflict. For most people, situational factors (the social context, the power relation, and so on) are at least as important as personality traits in determining one’s conflict behavior. However, there appear to be some rigid, extreme personalities that are relatively inflexible in their response to conflict. It is valuable to be aware of one’s personality-driven behavior tendencies so that one can control and modify them when they are inappropriate in a given conflict situation. While there has been, as yet, little systematic research on how to cope with “difficult” personalities in a conflict, it seems evident that it is useful to know the kinds of problems to expect from different types of difficult personalities.