Conflict Instigation
Conflicts arise from vague to clearly recognized causes. People might perceive a conflict when actually none exists, or what Deutsch (1975) called “false conflict.” On the other hand, “veridical” causes for conflict are perceived in the same way by both parties and contain a mutually verifiable cause.
And some conflicts should occur but do not, which Deutsch labels “latent” conflict. Conflict can begin for no apparent reason or for clear reasons, as when someone behaves in an objectionable way that has negative consequences for you (Clore, Ortnoy, Dienes, & Fujita, 1993). Of course, causes of conflicts are perceived by each party and do not exist in objective reality.Consider Siegert and Stamp’s (1994) study of “First Big Fights” (FBF) for romantic couples. Various issues led to each couple’s first big fight, the most common being uncertainty over the other person’s commitment, jealousy, violation of expectations regarding how relationships work, and perceptions of strong differences between the partners. Also, the major differences between survivors and nonsurvivors were seen in whether uncertainty in the relationship increased or decreased, how communication was used to manage the FBF, and differences in the reasons participants gave to explain the FBF. Given all the issues in play, it is no wonder that people agree to disagree.
The chapter on conflict instigators, Chapter 4, reveals instigators that usually evade one’s consciousness. We see instigators as flashpoints that ignite when the catalyst of incompatibility occurs. Being mindful of previously unforeseen instigators will help you manage the emergence of conflict. Alcohol, moods, emotions, stress, and even the environment represent common instigators of conflict. The first strategic objective then is to seek episodic control.