Final Thoughts about Forgiveness and Conflict
Conflict, especially unrestrained conflict, too often results in damage to people and to their relationships. Once the comments have been made and the hurt has been inflicted, we cannot take back our words.
We must find a way to deal with the consequences to have any chance to repair the damage. Providing accounts for our behavior is the first step because people rarely forgive without some adequate explanation for what happened. But once we have expressed our remorse and asked for forgiveness, we cannot control what then happens. The next step is controlled by the person who was hurt; s/he must decide if and when to forgive.Holding on to the hurt can be damaging to you, both physically and psychologically, so many people ultimately decide to forgive. However, in some circumstances they do not decide to reconcile. They forgive to benefit themselves and the other person, but they are not able to reestablish the relationship. In some cases, though, the two people can reconstruct their relationship in some form, often in a way that differs from their original relationship.
Here are our last conclusions and suggestions:
Conclusion 15.1: Forgiveness functions to remediate relationships between you and another person.
Conclusion 15.2: Forgiveness does not entail forgetting the harm done; it does alleviate the personal effects due to rumination, revenge planning, and other harmful thoughts.
Suggestion 15.1: If you want to reconcile your relationship with the other person, forgive him or her.
Suggestion 15.2: For your own sake, forgive.