Individuals differ to be sure. Individuals also share certain personality features in a myriad of ways.
Because of this mix and match of sharing, researchers can separate individuals on the basis of their personality similarities and differences. In this manner, researchers can examine individual, personality factors.
According to an interactionist perspective on personality, individual differences emerge as the combination of nature and nurture: (1) the individual has certain innate characteristics, that (2) become salient in situations that induce those characteristics. Conflict episodes in particular are catalysts for the emergence of particular, salient personality features and affect people’s selection of conflict strategies (Graziano, Jensen-Campbell, & Hair, 1996). In this chapter, we focus on those personality features that are prompted by incompatibilities to affect your strategic conflict.
Critically, personality characteristics do not determine behaviors that emerge in conflict encounters. Rather, people have a lot of influence on how personality factors become manifest before, during, and after conflict. From a developmental view, personalities change over time to the extent that individuals mature (Selman, 1980). For instance, Antonioni (1998) observed that certain personality characteristics can become more connected to conflict behaviors over time.
Many people believe that their personality cannot change. They point out that how they behave reflects the nature of who they are (“That is who I am”). These people are right and wrong. They are right in that their self-talk keeps them fixated on their current self-image, which inhibits maturation. They are also very wrong because people have agency to adapt their personality, although perhaps slowly.
For example, one of our clients managed the itinerary of a large hotel that provided well-to-do guests weekly programs. Every week he gave two to three speeches to approximately 100 guests.
He was clear, warm, and energetic. Previous to our arrival, he took a standardized personality measure and learned his score. He had a highly introverted, shy personality. When asked how he gave such extraverted speeches with his introverted personality, he said “I have to—it’s part of my job.” The idea that people cannot change is simply self-defeating. Based on the possibility of personality development and adaptation, we offer this suggestion:Suggestion 7.1: Be mindful that you can adopt communication behaviors that reflect your personality as well as adapt personality factors that demonstrate strategic conflict.
In this chapter, we offer conclusions and suggestions regarding how you can greater personal control by knowing how salient personality factors affect conflict behaviors. First we discuss two of the Big Five personality dimensions that are particularly relevant to conflict communication—agreeableness and neuroticism. In addition to the Big Five, we next examine how attachment styles associate with conflict communication strategies. Third, we discuss how narcissism interacts with problematic situations to affect conflict behavior. Finally, observations regarding locus of control show how people variously believe that conflict processes and outcomes. We do not elaborate on argumentativeness, a factor that was a hot topic in communication in the 1980s-1990s. Argumentativeness has been reviewed elsewhere (Cupach et al., 2010). We do, however, summarize its essential concepts and findings in Box 7.1. Having said that, we now begin our chapter with the Big Five.