Message Production
Many researchers in communication and other disciplines have examined conflict communication strategies and tactics (e.g., Cai & Fink, 2002; Conrad, 1991; Kim & Leung, 2000; Newton & Burgoon 1990; Putnam & Wilson, 1982; Rahim, 1983; Sillars, Coletti, Parry, & Rogers, 1982; Weiss, 1984).
We examine conflict message behavior in Chapter 2. We discuss the last part of our model (Figure 1.1) early in the book so the reader knows how we view conflict message behaviors that are referenced throughout the book. We briefly review conflict styles and then elaborate more fully on conflict strategies. Such a move is warranted, because people manage conflict when it arises according to the decisions they make (Sil- lars & Canary, in press). People appear to make two strategic decisions regarding strategic conflict—whether to confront or avoid the other person and whether to be cooperative or competitive (Sillars & Wilmot, 1994). Choices to confront or avoid, and to be cooperative or competitive lead to four strategic approaches and specific conflict tactics that bring those strategies into being (Messman & Canary, 1998; Sillars, Canary, & Tafoya, 2004).Conflict strategies thus are cooperative and direct, cooperative and indirect, competitive and direct, and competitive and indirect. We discuss these strategies in depth, so you can engage in strategic conflict more effectively by increasing your range of conflict communication strategies and tactics. The mindful selection of conflict communication strategies and tactics refers to strategy control.
BOX 1.1 STUDENT STORY
Kung Pao Lunch by
Lindsey Hedges
I am a hostess in a Chinese restaurant and come face to face with many customers. As a hostess at the restaurant, I am required to not only help seat people at a table, but also do takeout orders.
One Saturday afternoon, a customer ("Ted") called in an order of Kung Pao chicken.
As it was lunch-time, I gave him the lunch portion. He was very abrupt, though he did not say anything rude. I was polite and wished him a nice day. Fifteen minutes later he called to complain. After minutes of verbal abuse, I hung up on him.Two minutes later, his car pulled up in front of the restaurant. He immediately stormed in, threw his takeout bag on the counter, and belligerently asked, "Are you the one I talked to?!! Are you the one I talked to?!!"
Me: "Sir, I was the one who took your order, so I can help you with your problem."
Ted: "I got some [expletive] lettuce and I do not know what this [expletive] food is but I want my kung pao!"
Me: "Sir,youreceivedthelunchportionandwiththatyougetasalad,sothatis the lettuce item you are probably referring to."
Ted: "Well, I want the dinner portion."
Me: "Well, you were only charged for lunch, and if you would like to come in again I can give you the dinner portion but I will have to charge you for it."
Ted: "No you will [expletive] give me the dinner portion if I want it, and I refuse to pay for it!”
Me: "Sir, if you wanted the dinner portion next time you should specify so.”
Ted: "No, next time YOU should specify!”
He told me that I was rude. I told him, "Sir, I am sorry but I am going to have talk to my manager about this.” I ran into the kitchen crying because I was so scared.
After my manager talked with Ted for a few minutes, he called the police, who escorted him out of the restaurant. Minutes later Ted called again and threatened my manager that he would be after him. We called the police again, and Ted is now not allowed to enter the restaurant ever again.
For the rest of that day, I was scared and shaking because I thought Ted was going to attack me. I do not think that a person ever has the right to put you down. I could have helped Ted with his problem if he talked to me calmly about the situation, without using obscene language.
I cannot believe the way people overreact to the most minor things.Discussion Questions
1. Could Lindsey have anticipated being treated so rudely when Ted first ordered his food and then later cursed at her on the telephone? Could she have used a different tactic to obtain episode control?
2. Imagine you saw this person coming into the restaurant, looking for you. What might be your initial thoughts and feelings?
3. Do you think that Ted might have gotten his way using a different strategic approach? Was this person ethical? Why or why not?
4. Look at the last line: "I cannot believe the way people overreact to the most minor things.” Was this a "minor thing” to the customer? What else might this conflict represent to Ted? What general goal might have Ted seen at risk?
The Other's Response
Life would be grand if other people simply did what you asked the first time. Yet conflict involves incompatibility between people, which means that resistance is likely to occur (Wilson, 2002). We examine research on how people engage in conflict sequences and patterns, so that you can increase your interaction control. Ongoing patterns of messages strongly affect our work and personal relationships (e.g., withdraw—demand sequences). This material is also covered in Chapter 2.