Obtaining Goals

In general terms, people pursue three goals through interaction: instrumental, relational, and self-presentation (Cody, Canary, & Smith, 1994). Instrumental goals involve getting resources or favors from another person.

For now, we simply indicate that people’s goals drive their thoughts, emotions, and actions. People think about how they can improve their resources, relation­ships, and public identities. The value you place on your desired goals becomes quite important when you believe someone is interfering with you. For instance, imagine you need to submit a proposal a week late. You must get an extension from your supervisor. Your instrumental goal then involves getting the extension; your relational goal might involve an indication that you know she has higher status; and your self-presentation goal could involve being seen as reliable and, perhaps, likeable. So you say something like, “I know the proposal is due tomorrow, but I need to ask a big favor. I need more time to do research, because I want to verify some facts. If you would please give me another week, I won’t disappoint you.” The reader can see the three goals in operation. And you could consider how your knowledge of these three goals might operate in your own interactions.

The reader might believe that he or she cannot study strategic conflict or cannot learn new communication strategies. You might already be adept at com­municating with others. Still, you can polish your skills. In an intensive review, Kellermann (1992) argued that, from infancy onward, people learn how to com­municate in light of the wants and needs they have. From crying when hungry to negotiating the price of a car, we learn communication within the purposes it serves. Kellermann concluded that communication is both inherently strategic and implicitly learned. Stated differently, people learn strategic communication although they might not know they are being strategic. For example, simply ask­ing to stay home for dinner constitutes a strategy even though it does not appear as one (“What do you want me to cook?” [direct question]). A person could choose alternative communication approaches (e.g., “What do we have to eat around here” [a hint] or “It is your turn to cook” [negotiation]). Because of the implicitly learned and inherently strategic nature of communication, most people remain mindless of the strategies they choose to achieve their desired goals. At this juncture, we discuss what it means to be more mindful and less mindless of your strategic conflict.