PREFACE

Conflict is inevitable in ongoing interpersonal relationships. The presence of con­flict is not in itself a problem; the problem in many relationships is that the two people involved handle the conflict badly, often behaving mindlessly, without thinking about their choices or the consequences.

It should come as no surprise that some conclusions and suggestions are repeated. The reader might become immune to the advice of employing coop­erative and direct tactics. What is revealing perhaps is that this repetition occurs because similar conclusions and suggestions evolve from alternative areas of study. Given the breadth of the research, then, this convergence leads to greater validity for the suggestions offered.

As always, however, each reader must decide what is best for him or her. The empirical research draws inferences from samples that are more or less representa­tive of their larger populations. Accordingly, our conclusions and suggestions often represent averages of individuals. Readers must ascertain whether the aver­age applies to them. The research indicates that it often does.

Instructors who use this book should find the suggestions and conclusions helpful when students want to know the relevance of the theoretic knowl­edge for them. Instructors can indicate that the conclusions and findings rep­resent the average and ask whether students find similar or even alternative advice from different sources—including personal experience.

Two features of this book are designed to make the theory and research come alive. The first is our use of actual interaction. Actual interactions portray how communication unfolds in time in realistic ways. Authors might be good at creating dialogue to make their points, but what people really say provides immediate recognition of voice that people can only create themselves during an interaction. The second feature is the student stories. These stories, selected from sections of an upper-division conflict communication class at Arizona State University, provide a real life connection that cannot be replicated in hypothetical scenarios.

This book was written for use at the undergraduate level as well as the beginning graduate level. The content reflects a synthesis of issues and findings, of theory and application, that is useful on both levels. The book is geared to educate through theory and research as well as to make practical suggestions because people need to understand why ideas work in order to make the best choices about how to use the ideas and information. Although many of the findings refer to what people tend to do, we believe that all students will appre­ciate a book that goes beyond a report of the literature to one that is applied in nature.

Several people made this book possible. They contributed in ways that helped our initial idea become a reality. First, we thank Jennifer Marmo for her help, and for the excellent job she did while taking courses in the ASU PhD program. Also, seven students contributed their personal stories. These people are Jennifer Allen, Richard Bosco, Lindsey Bridges, Ben Brosseau, Benjamin Kearl, Danielle Pascu, and Tawine Tomlinson. We appreciate their willingness to have their personal stories published.

Friends and family members merit our thanks. Our spouses—Heather Canary and Richard Lakey—often provided the motivation we needed to research and write. Michael Cody deserves mention as we referenced his thinking in the ‘Power’ chapter. Likewise, Bill Cupach and Brian Spitzberg deserve mention for their ideas regarding the competent communication of conflict messages.

We also are grateful for the people at Routledge/Taylor & Francis who helped us. Our editor, Linda Bathgate, was the first person to believe in this project. And over several years, her encouragements were both patient and persuasive. Next, Kayley Hoffman was helpful in directing us through the final stages of prepara­tion, and Emma Hakonsen oversaw the production. Richard Willis (at Swales & Willis Ltd.) worked with us on finishing the book. We thank him for his careful and timely responses to copy edit queries and page proofs.

Conflict in interpersonal relationships will not disappear—even if people fol­low all of these suggestions. Rather, people will be better prepared to handle conflict when it occurs. Readers should become more strategic in their conflict communication. We hope people will use the theory, conclusions, and sugges­tions presented here to help them strategically navigate their conflicts so they can reach productive outcomes that protect and even strengthen their relationships.

Daniel Canary Sandra Lakey