Selective Perception (Short Take) and Communication
When looking at their own communication during conflict, people have a surreal view of what exists. However, people most often believe that their view is real; people tend to believe that their reality is other people’s reality.
The more a person thinks that he or she sees reality as it really is, then the more subjective and surreal that person becomes—adding another layer to the myth that people can view the world objectively.We will elaborate how people make sense of their conflicts later (Chapter 9). For now, however, we simply offer a couple of reasons why objectivity in recalling conflict cannot possibly exist. First, and according to a review of the literature (Berscheid & Regan, 2005) people can sense approximately 7 million bytes of information each second but can only attend to ten bytes of information per second. Naturally, then, people must engage in selective perception. In recollections of brief conflict interactions, people can recall only about one third of message sequences an hour after their interactions and only 2% a month later (Sillars, Weisberg, Burggraf, & Zietlow, 1990). And when people view their conflicts on videotape immediately following their interactions, their recollections and interpretations ofmessages overlap minimally with the other person’s recollections and interpretations (between 1 and 3%; Sillars et al., 2000).
People’s shortcomings for perceiving and managing conflict might lead you to give up on communicative strategies that can help bring about positive outcomes. However, giving up control over one’s life due to its complexity is not an option for successful living. Research shows that message behaviors can lead to productive or destructive conflict outcomes. The question becomes which conflict strategies and tactics are most effective and simultaneously appropriate given people’s incompatibilities.
The following section provides many strategies and tactics that you can use to manage conflict. In addition, this chapter discusses several strategies and tactics that many of us would not appreciate or respect. By learning about these strategies and tactics, your options for strategic communication can increase dramatically.