Sex Differences in Shared Activities
A few important sex differences affect shared activities. For example, Claxton and Perry-Jenkins (2008) found that wives who reported more interactive-based shared activities also reported more marital love and less conflict one year later as opposed to their husbands.
Other research shows that wives who engage in independent leisure report lower levels of marital satisfaction (Crawford et al., 2002; Orth- ner, 1975). Marks, Huston, Johnson, and MacDermid (2001) found that husbands who engage in more independent activities experience more role strain (i.e., anxiety as different roles compete for one’s time and energy). Marks et al. (2001) noted that interdependent shared activities benefit both husbands and wives.Gager and Sanchez (2003) found that shared time for wives increases marital solidarity and buffers against divorce and conflict. For husbands, however, shared activities positively associated with the likelihood of divorce. In brief, shared activities consistently associate with relational quality for women—but not for men.
Several explanations exist regarding how shared activities as a buffer to conflict might have negative repercussions for partners. First, as Aron et al. (2000) point out, challenging and exciting activities—not ordinary or mundane activi- ties—help promote relational quality. Second, engaging in shared activities might reveal to partners (esp. men) that their relationship has become boring. Such would certainly be the case if couples share an activity that only one person enjoys (e.g., who likes board games?). Third, trying to cooperate in shared activities could create conflict, especially if one person sees the same event as an individual versus interdependent activity (e.g., one person sees golf as a competitive sport, and the other views golf as an opportunity to interact). Sharing activities could increase conflict, which might deter them from wanting to engage in further shared activities (Orthner & Mancini, 1990). Finally, women’s involvement in shared activities tends to utilize their communication skills; men’s engagement in shared activities tends to reflect an obligation to meet an expectation (Canary & Wahba, 2006).
Thus, men might find interactive shared activities more taxing than women.Most research supports the idea that sharing activities help minimize destructive conflicts. As Orthner (1975) noted, the primary relational function of shared activities for marriage is that it facilitates cooperative communication during times of conflict. At the same time, sex difference findings suggest that interactive-based shared activities present a positive buffer against conflict, particularly for women. The view of shared activities as a buffer to conflict is not as robust for men. Given the above review, we offer the following:
Conclusion 3.1: Conflict strategies operate in conjunction with proactive and positive maintenance behaviors to affect relational stability and quality.
Conclusion 3.2: Sharing activities can buffer the use and effects of competitive conflict.
Conclusion 3.3: Men tend to prefer independent activities more than women do, whereas women tend to prefer interdependent activities more than men do.
Suggestion 3.1: Be mindful that conflict episodes occur within a larger relational context, which includes shared activities and other communicative behaviors such as social support, positivity, sharing tasks, and so forth.
Suggestion 3.2: Engage in novel and exciting shared activities in addition to routine shared activities.
Suggestion 3.3: Attempt to accommodate to the other person's preference for independent and interdependent leisure activities.