Supportive Messages

Relational partners provide a critical source of assurances, including social sup­port (Beach, Martin, Blum, & Roman, 1993; Julien & Markman, 1991; Sullivan, Pasch, Johnson, & Bradbury, 2010).

Supportive behaviors include expressions of love and concern, providing prac­tical advice, and showing one self as being loyal; overprotection, insensitive com­ments, and lack of care are nonsupportive behaviors (Burleson & Goldsmith, 1995; Goldsmith, 2004; MacGeorge & Burleson, 2003). In addition, empathic statements that display concern and understanding, responses that promote trust and appreciation, and showing feelings of goodwill, thoughtfulness and help­fulness reflect positive relational behaviors (Cutrona, 1996). Supportive behaviors function to build a nurturing relational context and to repair damage done (Bur­leson & Goldsmith, 1995). The positive effects of support can reduce the impacts of negative conflict and stress (Sullivan et al., 2010; Vangelisti, 2009). Using more supportive than unsupportive behaviors also helps people to cope with conflict and stress (Cutrona, 1996; Gottman & Levenson, 1992; Sullivan et al., 2010).

Even in the first year of marriage, however, a lack of supportive behavior can exacerbate negative emotions expressed during conflict to affect relational satisfaction negatively (Pasch & Bradbury, 1998). Empirical evidence consistently shows that both higher levels of marital conflict and lower levels of supportive communication associate with poorer mental and physical health (Kiecolt-Glaser & Newton, 2001). As with shared activities and positivity, supportive messages and conflict operate independently; for instance, supportive messages contribute to satisfaction after the effects due to negative conflict are removed (Pasch & Bradbury, 1998; Sullivan et al., 2010). Supportive communication can function as a buffer against the negative effects of conflict. Pasch and Bradbury’s (1998; see also Sullivan et al., 2010) findings indicate that stable and satisfied couples report higher levels of support and lower of levels of conflict than do their counterparts. Similarly, Pierce, Sarason, and Sarason (1992) found that relationships character­ized by conflict contain fewer supportive behavior. Moreover, lower levels of support associate with greater relational problems (Cutrona, 1996).

Pasch, Bradbury, Davila, and Sullivan (1999) examined some implications that supportive communication has on relational characteristics. These research­ers found that supportive communication predicted satisfaction in couples four years later. Likewise, Julien, Chartrand, Simard, Bouthillier, and Begin (2003) found that supportive communication positively correlates with relational quality. Additionally, supportive communication conveys new information not expressed during conflict. Thus, supportive messages post-conflict benefited partners who could provide information that was left unsaid during conflict episodes. As is evident, engaging in supportive communication before, during, and after conflict is pertinent to maintaining the relationship and buffering the effects of conflict.

Caughlin and Huston (2002) examined supportive messages pertaining to the demand—withdraw pattern. They found that positive affection buffers the nega­tive relationship between relational satisfaction and demand—withdraw patterns. The negative effects the demand—withdraw pattern has on couples, particularly when engaging in serial arguing, is reduced by supportive messages—particularly those that contain affection.

As Cutrona (1996) found, supportive communication provides a positive emotional tone to the relationship that might “actually prevent the occurrence of frequent and intense conflicts by virtue of the positive emotional tone that they establish in the relationship” (Cutrona, 1996, p. 180). In particular, expressions of understanding and recognition of a partner’s emotions constitute supportive mes­sages that happily married couples used to moderate the effects of conflict. Sulli­van et al. (2010) also found that supportive messages reduced the effects of conflict over time. Thus, supportive communication aides couples to express themselves honestly when conflict arises, leading to likelihood of effectively managing the conflict. In addition, supportive communication increases feelings of closeness. Moreover, the positive emotional climate that is created by supportive messages promotes the couple working together as a team, instead of approaching conflicts individually. This emphasis on the dyad can be highly effective for conflict resolu­tion as well as countering the negative outcomes of conflict. Finally, sharing posi­tive experiences often results in greater levels of companionship and time together in shared activities (Vangelisti, 2009).

Conclusion 3.4: Supportive messages are positively correlated with relational stabil­ity and quality and provide an atmosphere of nurturance.

Suggestion 3.4: Use supportive messages to mitigate direct fighting and indirect fighting.