The Ongoing Nature of Conflict
Finally, the model in Figure 10.1 indicates that parties in conflict will return to any previous event, from becoming angrier, to assessing goals, to reformulating strategic options, and/ or deciding how to respond to one’s partner.
In other words, the conflict episode does not necessarily end. The goal of the model is to focus on those events where people can make unilateral strategic decisions to manage it more competently—that is, effectively and appropriately.In terms of characterizing the ongoing nature of conflict, Sillars and Wilmot (1994) examined the various properties of conflict. They proposed that five features can be used to characterize ongoing patterns of conflict: (1) variety, (2) continuity, (3) symmetry, (4) stationarity, and (5) spontaneity. Variety concerns the extent to which social actors can modify their behaviors. Continuity refers to the range of topics that parties discuss. As discussed above, symmetry concerns the reciprocity of behavior. Stationarity concerns phases of conflict that are observed across conflict episodes. Although particular couples might engage in various phases within a given encounter, their tactical patterns are similar in different conflict encounters. Spontaneity refers to the extent to which the parties in conflict are not being overly strategic and guarded in what they say (Sillars & Wilmot, 1994).
Sillars and Wilmot (1994) implied that the most competent management of conflict would entail both an awareness of these five characteristics of conflict and a moderate amount of each feature. For example, Sillars and Wilmot indicated that being focused on one issue or too many issues over time works against the resolution of conflict; so people in conflict should exercise moderation in continuity. Mindful behavior during conflict helps people avoid rumination about past events because they are in the present and focused on the current conflict (Wachs & Cordova, 2007). Likewise, in terms of spontaneity, Sillars and Wilmot (1994) argued that “ideally, one would be spontaneous enough to be responsive enough to be collaborative, but strategic enough to modify destructive patterns when they arise” (p. 182).
In sum, competent communicators know that they need to engage in the process of conflict by realizing that conflicts are not often resolved but managed. Moreover, competent persons might be able to take a broader look at the patterns of recurring behavior to determine if they are caught in particular conversational ruts or have too much variation or not.