Humility
The terms “humility,” or “modesty,” which for the purpose of this discussion I treat as interchangeable, have various senses. In my view, humility is rooted in one's (implicit or explicit) primary normative framework which assumes that one's fundamental human worth is similar to that of other people; in this sense, humility involves a type of egalitarian approach.This global evaluation rests on a belief in the common nature and fate of human beings, and on the assumption that this commonality dwarfs other differences.
In this profound sense, the humble person perceives every person as entitled to have an equal status and autonomy (Ben-Ze'ev, 1993).Humility does not oblige anyone to deny her superior comparative position within a secondary framework. This refers, for instance, to professional standing, external appearance, or various accomplishments. Hence, there is no conflict between humility and accurately perceiving reality. Humility just requires us not to exaggerate the value of the comparative secondary framework when considering one's overall value as a human being. Einstein, for example, was a humble person who recognized his exceptional accomplishments in physics. His humility was indeed based upon the assumption that our personal talents and accomplishments are of less importance when related to our role and place in the universe. Considering each human being's marginal place in the universe, or for some people, perceiving the greatness of God, the comparative differences among individual human beings become insignificant. Humility thus requires a realization of the fundamentally similar noncomparative worth of all human beings within the primary framework, and the evaluation of this similarity as more significant than the personal differences evaluated in the secondary framework referring to traits and accomplishments of different human beings (Ben-Ze'ev, 1993; 2000, 518-525; Statman, 1992).
The psychologist Don Davis and colleagues (2011, 2016) speak about “relational humility,” which consists of three major measurable components: global humility, a trait that is other- oriented; a lack of a sense of superiority; and an accurate view of the self. My characterization of humility mainly refers to global humility, with which a lack of sense of superiority and an accurate view of the self are typically associated.
The profound noncomparative worth of all human beings also does not mean that we see everyone as important to us as our children or spouses. I can be a humble person and still love my spouse and children more profoundly than I love other people. We see this attitude in a Talmudic saying about giving charity: “The poor of one's own city take precedence.” If this is true of the poor of my city, it is even more obvious in the case of my family members. Such love complements, rather than opposes, the basic attitude underlying humility, as it requires investing time and resources on top of those associated with humility. We can say that everyone deserves such love and care, but these things cannot be given by one person to all people.
We can be humble in the sense of respecting other human beings, and still be proud, for example, of our comparative accomplishments. Here, the humble person simply does not view such accomplishments as changing the profound similar worth of all people. Humility does not require us to hide our achievements—just not to display them in contexts that may cause our listeners to feel uncomfortable. Constant bragging is an indication that one is not humble.
Humility is often understood as a preventive measure for not insulting other people. Although this function is indeed important, humility also involves the more profound function of nurturing the other, that is, promoting and sustaining the growth and development of someone. Nurturing often refers to developing the other's capacities, talents, tolerances, and friendships.
Humility, which assumes the equal human worth of all people, provides a favorable atmosphere and circumstances for such mutual nurturing. This is particularly so in close relationships, where the two people know each other and feel that their ongoing interactions are meaningful.We can shed light on the idea of humility by thinking about the difference between being “the best” and being “optimal.” Being the best is a comparative measure: you are better than anyone else is. Being optimal is being as good as possible within the given circumstances. No external comparison with other people is necessary here. Moreover, being the best is a constantly moving target that is only minimally in one's own hands: others can always improve and do better than you.Thus, even if one is “the best,” it is usually only for a moment. Being optimal, by contrast, mainly depends on you, and hence its experience can last for a long time—if you adapt yourself to the changing circumstances.
Humility is not a developing attitude with various degrees.There are no degrees of the profound value underlying humility; either you believe in the fundamental noncomparative worth of people or you do not.There are various ways of expressing humility, but the attitude itself is equivalent among humble people.
Being humble does not mean being average or thinking low of oneself. Having an egalitarian evaluation concerning the fundamental worth of people does not imply that all human beings are equal in their traits or accomplishments. Humility involves the realization of similar human worth despite these obvious differences. No contradiction exists in being humble and in being the best, average, or even worst in certain activities (and knowing this). In the same manner that humble people do not consider others with low accomplishments as inferior to them in the profound human sense, they do not consider themselves inferior in this sense when their accomplishments are lower.
In their professional work, humble people are typically not motivated by the desire to be the best in the world (since they attach less significance to the comparative concern), but by the desire to improve their work and their satisfaction from it.
These people may be achievement- oriented, but they are less likely to be competitive. Humble people usually conceive of their work as an end in itself and not as a means for arriving at material or social benefits. These benefits, no doubt, may be quite useful and humble people may enjoy them, but in light of their overall values, they will not overrate their significance (Ben-Ze'ev, 2000, 520—521).Genuine humility, like other genuine forms of positive attitudes such as love, gratitude, compassion, generosity, and forgiveness, requires investing time and effort in other people. This is a rare commodity in our highly competitive, achievement-oriented society. Hence, these attitudes are not high on the list of cherished attitudes in our society (Ben-Ze'ev, 2019; Rinofner-Kreidl, 2018).
The importance of humility in human relations is evident when humiliation, which in some respects is the opposite of humility, is present. Humiliation refers to injuring someone's self-esteem, often by making the individual feel inferior.Thus, humiliation does not adopt two evaluative frameworks in which the noncomparative one assumes the fundamental similar worth of all humans. In humiliation, all evaluations are collapsed into meritocracy considerations: a person is evaluated on the basis of her comparative accomplishments alone, without any account taken of her unique personality and circumstances. In such a case, a single failure can have a devastating impact on one's self-esteem and what others think of her or him (Miller, 1993).
The attitudes of open-mindedness and taking oneselflightly are vital to the good life. Underlying both is humbleness and respect toward other people. Such humbleness can be cognitive—as in open-mindedness, or evaluative—as in taking oneself lightly. Both attitudes affirm the complexity and diversity of human life, which accounts for their essential role in the good life.
To sum up, humble people assume a fundamental noncomparative worth of all human beings, while recognizing comparative differences in traits and accomplishments among various people. They can be proud of their achievements, but this does not diminish the value they attribute to other people. Humble people do not consider comparison with other people as essential to their wellbeing, but they still can be highly motivated to improve their achievements. Humiliation, which disregards the basic value underlying humility, is lethal to any human relationship.
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