Reverberations of Rape: United States

We in the United States too frequently focus only on the victim-survivor without realiz­ing that those around the victim-survivor are also severely impacted by the attack. Many of the emergency phone calls to rape crisis centers are not from the victim-survivors but from friends and family members of the victim-survivors.

I wanted to ease your pain, but I really didn't know how to go about it. I talked to several mutual friends who were little help in showing me what to do. Their reactions varied from “Oh, my, how terrible!” to “I told her she should carry a gun.”

The woman at the local rape crisis center was a calming influence. I guess I really didn't realize my own turmoil until then. That talk with a disinterested but trained and sympathetic third party helped me to put things into a better perspective. Rape is no longer distant or isolated. It is a reality.

“Gerri” also stressed that the rape of one person extends beyond the victim-survivor:

Untangling and acknowledging these layers of feeling has helped me realize the need to make others aware that there is more than one victim in rape. Our culture represses healthy sexuality and promotes sexual violence and abuse. This creates ambiguity, anxiety, and fear about what to think or how to heal those involved in sexual assault, including those who, like us, are peripheral victims of sexual crimes. We're all victims.

The damage of the rapist is severe because we are a culture that still covers up the crimes of the rapist. We have not learned to discuss rape or treat each other fairly.