INCREASE SUPPORT SUCCESS
As mentioned earlier, support does not always succeed. In contrast to providing help, providing successful support is a rather complicated matter.
If support is to succeed, it must imply a “stretch” for the recipient.
But, in this regard, human beings reveal elasticity in ways that are similar to that displayed in the physical world. We can all stretch, but not without limit. The extent to which one is asked to extend his or her capacity is important for support success. If the stretch is too great, the intended recipient is likely to abandon the effort or may even see the attempt as absurd. When that happens, it is likely that the motivation and judgment of the provider of the support will be questioned, thus decreasing the likelihood of successful support being offered by the same person in the future.The recipient must be willing to grow in the ways implied by the support effort. The recipient must be open to the possibility of such growth and must also be open to the possibility that the particular supportive interaction could be beneficial.
The recipient must trust the positive intent and motivation of the person offering the support.
The provider of support must trust the positive intent and capacity of the recipient.
The provider must be willing and able to relinquish primary control of the events subsequent to the effort to provide support.
To illustrate these last two concepts, I often mention that if one is teaching a teenager to drive a car, at some point in the process it is absolutely necessary to “hand over the keys.”
For an act of support to succeed, the provider must be willing and able to provide it, and the recipient must be willing and able to accept it.