The Dancing Monkeys
A PRINCE had some Monkeys trained to dance. Being naturally great mimics of men’s actions, they showed themselves most apt pupils, and when arrayed in their rich clothes and masks, they danced as well as any of the courtiers.
The spectacle was often repeated with great applause, till on one occasion a courtier, bent on mischief, took from his pocket a handful of nuts and threw them upon the stage. The Monkeys at the sight of the nuts forgot their dancing and became (as indeed they were) Monkeys instead of actors. Pulling off their masks and tearing their robes, they fought with one another for the nuts. The dancing spectacle thus came to an end amidst the laughter and ridicule of the audience.—Not everything you see is what it appears to be.—
Communication is a complex phenomenon. It is an action and transaction; it is relational, develops relationships, and is within relationships; it is contextual and culturally influenced; it is dynamic; and it creates the social worlds within which we live. There are sets of assumptions we hold when we communicate and one is that the person with whom we are communicating will understand us in the way we want to be understood. When we pause to consider what happens in the space between people communicating and how many twists and turns our communication can take, it is amazing we can communicate effectively at all.
It is in these twists and turns that conflict can emerge as our perceptions are interpreted through the filters of our worldviews and frames of reference created and influenced by our cultural orientations, to make meaning. As humans, we are sense-making individuals, and when our interactions with others do not make sense according to our meaning making paradigms, we can become confused (Pearce, 2007). This internal dissonance affects our relationships and influences, or most likely hampers future communication, and conflict is perpetuated.
In this chapter, we explore some characteristics of communication, especially intercultural and the relationship between communication and conflict. If communication can create, perpetuate, and escalate conflict, then it can also be used as a way to transform conflict into something positive and even nurturing. Three critical concepts that will be explored throughout the chapter are ways in which to develop deeper understanding of self, other, and context and ways in which to constructively apply this information (Fisher-Yoshida, 2000). One way in which communication can become more effective is by using a frame that we name, relationship, and place it as the highest order of context within which we communicate. This framing suggests a dynamic that we act into, so that our focus and perspective shifts from being only about “me” on the individual level to being about “us” on the relationship level. This relational focus could lead to renaming the person or group we call “opponent,” to “partner,” which calls forth different relational behaviors and norms of communication. The relationship lens becomes stronger, and all understanding and meaning are made through this filter. Suggestions as to how to foster this more effective intercultural communication for better quality relationships and social worlds will be offered. Concepts and practical applications of the five paradoxes to understanding intercultural communication and conflict will be offered. Furthermore, coordinated management of meaning (CMM) and transformative learning through reflective and reflexive processes will be explored.