Direct Fighting Tactics

As the label implies, direct fighting refers to direct and competitive ways to com­municate during conflict. Another popular term for direct fighting is “distributive behavior” (e.g., Canary & Cupach, 1988; Sillars et al., 1982).

TABLE 2.3 Direct Fighting Tactics

Makes Accusations about Other's Behavior(s), Attitude(s), Thought(s), or Feeling(s). Sometimes Characterized by “You” Statements

• Presumptive remarks/negative mind reading—statements (including predictions) that attribute negative qualities to the other. ("You don't care about me." "You purposefully do this to yourself.”)

• Personal criticisms—direct criticism of another's behavior, thoughts, attitudes, feelings, etc. ("That's silly.")

• Blaming the other person for causing the conflict. ("This is your fault/problem.")

Shows Hostility

• Hostile imperatives—statements that blame the partner or demand change. ("If you wouldn't spend the money, we wouldn't be in this mess." )

• Threat—physical and/or emotional harm that is contingent on compli­ance of the other. ("If you don't change, I'm leaving." "Shut up, if you know what's good for you.")

• Intimidation—attempt to induce fear and/or respect without clear refer­ence to compliance. ("Watch it." said in a threatening way)

• Command—direct command of specific behavior that could be fulfilled in the next ten seconds. ("Stop whining." "Put out that cigarette.")

• Hostile questioning—questioning in a hostile tone that tends to lead an answer.

Puts Down/Rejects

• Put-down—demeaning or mocking the other. ("Thanks for making me look like a total ass in front of my boss." Laughter while other is making point.)

• Sarcasm—using negative or ironic tone to demean the other person. ("Boy if you weren't the life of the party last night.”)

• Rejection—hostile statement reacting to a personal criticism or descrip­tion of a conflict. ("You can't be serious!” "Nonsense.”)

• Disagreement—explicit disagreement or objections (can be "yes-but” statements).

• Turnoff—nonverbal gesture suggesting disgust or disapproval. (Non­verbal behavior like shaking of one's head in disgust or audible groan.)

Competes Conversationally

• Negative metacommunication—talk about talk, said with negative into­nation. ("You said, 'I don't care'?” [in a negative tone])

• Hostile interruption—breaking in and not allowing other to finish point.

• Withhold information—unwillingness to disclose information that one has access to ("I can't say.” "But that's a personal question.”)

• Refusal to Comply—refusing to engage in behavior that partner requests/ demands. ("I will not stop this.”)