Hostile Emotions
Hostile emotions such as anger, frustration, jealousy, envy, contempt, and disgust are commonly associated with conflict. Of these, anger, jealousy, and to a lesser extent, contempt and disgust have been studied most extensively.
The action tendency associated with anger is to attack (Lazarus, 1991) through behaviors such as hitting or yelling (Roseman, Wiest, & Swartz, 1994). As Shaver et al. (1987) put it, “Angry persons report becoming stronger... and more energized in order to fight or rail against the cause of anger” (p. 1078). When Shaver et al. (1987) asked people to describe behaviors that are associated with anger, most were aggressive. For example, people described verbal attacks (e.g., yelling, complaining, and using obscenities), physical attacks (e.g., clenching one’s fist, making threatening gestures, and throwing things), and displays of nonverbal disapproval (e.g., stomping, slamming doors, and gritting one’s teeth) as prototypical responses to anger. These types of expressions are inversely associated with relational satisfaction. Gottman, Markman, and Notarius (1977) found distressed couples to engage in more behaviors indicative of negative affect, including frowning, sneering, and angry looks, than nondistressed couples. Expressing anger aggressively is also associated with perceptions of incompetence and feelings of heightened distress (Kubany & Richard, 1992; Sereno, Welch, & Braaten, 1987; Tangney, Wagner, Fletcher, & Gramzow, 1992).Jealousy is also often associated with relationship dissatisfaction (Andersen, Eloy, Guerrero, & Spitzberg, 1995). Jealousy is a unique emotion that is based on the perception that one’s primary relationship is being threatened by a third party (e.g., White & Mullen, 1989). As such, jealousy is sometimes a cause or consequence of conflict. Jealousy can be communicated in various ways, with some responses to jealousy more likely to cause or exacerbate conflict than others.
Guerrero, Hannawa, and Babin (2011) identified three destructive communicative responses to jealousy that are negatively associated with relational satisfaction: negative communication (e.g., yelling, arguing, insulting, and ignoring); c ounterjealousy induction (e.g., attempts to make the offending partner feel jealous too); and violent communication (e.g., actions such as hitting, shoving, or pushing the partner). Indeed, research has shown jealousy to correlate with violence and aggression (e.g., Dutton, van Ginkel, & Landolt, 1996; Simonelli & Ingram, 1998), and victims of abuse often cite jealousy as a cause of violence in their relationships. In one study, 15% of participants reported that they had suffered physical aggression because their partners were jealous (Mullen & Martin, 1994). In another study, the use of jealousyinducing behaviors was moderately and positively correlated with aggression (Brainerd, Hunter, Moore, & Thompson, 1996). Several other studies suggest that jealousy is one of the top predictors of physical aggression among couples who report using violent behavior (Hansen, 1991; Laner, 1990). These findings do not suggest that violence is a common response to jealousy. Rather, they suggest that among those couples who report physical violence, jealousy is a top predictor.Similarly, expressions of disgust and contempt are two of the top predictors of relationship decline (Gottman, 1994). Disgust is typically communicated by “sounding fed up, sickened, and repulsed” (Gottman, 1994, p. 24). For example, Kevin might tell Kate, “I can’t listen to this anymore,” or Kate might tell Kevin, “You make me sick.” Contempt, which implies superiority, is expressed through “any insult, mockery, or sarcasm or derision, of the other person. It includes disapproval, judgment, derision, disdain, exasperation, mockery, put downs, or communicating that the other person is absurd or incompetent” (Gottman, 1994, p. 24). Saying “you’re acting psychotic,” “you don’t know what you are doing,” or “you just don’t get it” are examples of verbal expressions of contempt.
Nonverbal expressions of disgust and contempt, which may involve becoming silent, looking away from someone, furrowing one’s brow, and looking astonished (Scherer & Wallbott, 1994), may also be evident. Indeed, Gottman (1993b, 1994) has argued that even subtle facial expressions of disgust and contempt can be quite powerful and that expressions of contempt are better predictors of marital decline than anger.Although research suggests that people often feel a natural inclination to act aggressively when they experience hostile emotions such as anger, jealousy, disgust, and contempt, these emotions can be displayed constructively. Canary, Spitzberg, and Semic (1998) noted that “although people might think of a ‘model’ anger episode in terms of destructive and aggressive behaviors, research indicates that people also respond to anger in constructive and less threatening ways” (p. 205), including using assertive rather than aggressive communication (e.g., Guerrero, 1994; Kubany & Richard, 1992; Sereno et al., 1987). Assertive modes of anger expression involve listening to the partner’s explanations and points of view; trying to discuss issues in a calm, direct, and fair manner; and taking ownership of one’s feelings rather than blaming the partner (e.g., Kate says, “I feel really mad” rather than telling Kevin, “You make me so mad!”).
Similarly, nonaggressive communication appears to be a relatively common response to jealousy. Across Guerrero, Andersen, Jorgensen, Spitzberg, and Eloy’s (1995) qualitative and quantitative data, both destructive and constructive communicative responses to jealousy were reported frequently. Schaap, Buunk, and Kerkstra (1988) examined correlations between jealousy and conflict styles. Jealousy was most strongly associated with a competing or distributive conflict style (r =.78), but there were also moderate to small significant correlations between jealousy and the compromising (r =.42), soothing/ accommodating (r =.40), and avoiding (r =.27) conflict styles. Only the problem-solving or integrative conflict style was associated negatively with jealousy (r = -.21). Thus, jealousy is associated with a variety of conflict styles and communicative responses.