Self-Conscious Emotions
Self-conscious emotions are inherently social and involve both self-reflection and selfevaluation (Barrett, 1995; Fischer & Tangney, 1995). Bell and Song (2005) listed embarrassment, guilt, and humiliation as common selfconscious emotions that occur during conflict situations.
Of these, guilt has received the most attention. People experience guilt when they perceive that they have injured, unjustly hurt, or failed to help someone. Guilt is a social emotion, because as Baumeister, Stillwell, and Heatherton (1994) noted, a primary function of guilt is to maintain and repair positive relationships. Shimanoff (1984) found that regret (or guilt) was one of the emotions that married couples talked about most frequently. Betraying one’s partner, neglecting one’s partner, and failing to live up to an interpersonal obligation are primary elicitors of guilt within relationships (Baumeister et al., 1994).During the course of a conflict interaction, people sometimes try to elicit guilt in their partner. This may be especially likely if one person feels overburdened or mistreated and, therefore, wants to change something in the relationship. Vangelisti, Daly, and Rudnick (1991) examined conversational tactics that elicit guilt, the most common of which were statements about relational obligations (e.g., “You need to spend more time with me and the kids than with your friends”), the nature of things (e.g., “You’re not going to waste your time watching that stupid show again, are you?”), role obligations (e.g., “As their coach you should be there on time”), sacrifices (e.g., “I guess I’ll have to watch the kids today so you can go shopping with your friends”), and comparisons to others (e.g., “You spend more time doing what you want than I do,” “Mary’s husband buys her little cards and gifts all the time”). It is easy to imagine these types of statements being said during a conflict episode when individuals believe that they are doing more than their partners, or that their partners are not meeting their obligations or responsibilities.
Thus, situations of inequity may lead people to either feel guilty (Sprecher, 2001) or induce guilty feelings in their partner.Whether people experience guilt on their own or because it is induced by their partner, the primary action tendency associated with guilt is to repair the damage (Lazarus, 1991; Tangney et al., 1992). Guerrero, Andersen, and Afifi (2011) summarized research suggesting that individuals who feel guilty have a number of potentially effective remedial strategies at their disposal, including apologizing and conceding guilt, justifying one’s behavior, trying to appease the partner, and engaging in relationship talk. For example, if Kate felt guilty because she went out to lunch with an old boyfriend without telling Kevin, she could confess and tell Kevin that she was wrong and felt badly about her actions (apology); she could tell Kevin that she only met her ex-boyfriend for lunch because he sounded really depressed (justification); she could be especially nice and affectionate toward Kevin (appeasement); or she could tell Kevin that their marriage is strong, so he should not worry about an exboyfriend (relationship talk).