Family Conflict and Communication

Family conflict is consistently reported as a top stressor and contributor to children’s mental health, particularly suicide (Prinstein, Boergers, Spirito, Little, & Grapentine, 2000).

Family conflict is described in many ways. Some studies (e.g., Cecil & Matson, 2006) report family conflict as measured by the Conflict and Cohesion subscale of the Family Environment Scale Real Form (FES-R; Moos & Moos, 1993). On this scale, conflict is mea­sured by levels of conflict (disagreement with issues important to the family) among family members, levels of openly expressed anger, and levels of aggression. Other studies (e.g., Fainsilber Katz & Gottman, 1993) evaluate the patterns of marital conflict and how they relate to childhood development. Marital conflict, in part, is described as how partners engage in conflict, how they show agreement and disagreement, the amount of negative affect displayed during a conflict, and how they discuss/resolve conflict (Fainsilber Katz & Gottman, 1993). In sum, family conflict in this context involves various issues including disagreements, discord, aggression, violence, and affect. This section addresses how family conflict via marital discord, par­enting, violence, and attachment impact the psychological development of children exposed to this conflict.

Marital Discord and Family Conflict. Marital and family conflict and dysfunction have long been implicated in poor psychological devel­opment in children (Kazdin, 1995). Similar to the parenting literature, family communication literature describes parent-child communica­tion patterns in the context of parents having discussions with their children about expecta­tions (conversation orientation) and children conforming to parent’s demands (conformity orientation).

Given that conversation-oriented families have more effective communication patterns, marriages within these families also tend to have more effective communication patterns. Contrary to some beliefs that divorce alone has negative impacts on children and parent­child relationships, recent studies have focused on comparing mental health outcomes in chil­dren from divorced and nondivorced families as well as evaluating mental health outcomes in children from “intact,” nondivorced fami­lies who have different levels and types of marital discord (Schrodt & Ledbetter, 2007). A major consensus in these studies is that chil­dren from “intact,” nondivorced families with continuous high conflict and contention have poorer parent-child relationships and poorer overall well-being than do children who come from highly conflicted families who divorce (Schrodt & Ledbetter, 2007). Marital conflict and discord, and specifically, how much the adults enmesh with the children during this process, seem to have a greater impact on the adjustment and well-being of children than divorce by itself.

Parenting. Like many mental health disor­ders, family history plays a role in contrib­uting to mental health outcomes for future generations. Likewise, parenting styles tend to repeat themselves throughout generations and have also been identified as major contribu­tors to psychological adjustment in children. Although there are numerous theories on par­enting and psychological adjustment, many scholars view parenting in terms of levels of control and rejection, and acceptance and warmth (Baumrind, 2005). Three common ways to categorize parenting are authoritar­ian, permissive, and authoritative.

Authoritarian parents demand a high level of obedience and enforce a high level of con­trol over their children (Baumrind, 2005). These parents tend to have low warmth and nurturing skills. Permissive parents are on the other end of the spectrum and allow children to operate with few rules and boundaries; children are given power to make their own decisions.

Children whose parents display an authori­tative style of parenting tend to have bet­ter psychological adjustment than children with either authoritarian or permissive parents (Baumrind, 2005; Rothrauff, Cooney, & An, 2009). Parents who display high levels of rejection tend to have children who suffer from depression (McLeod, Weisz, & Wood, 2007), while parents who display high levels of control have children who have high levels of anxiety (McLeod, Wood, & Weisz, 2007). Furthermore, poor effective communication as demonstrated by children’s perceptions of their parents as hostile and controlling are more likely to experience higher levels of stress, lower levels of self-esteem, and more depres­sion than their peers without the same percep­tions (de Man, Lebreche, & Leduc, 1993).

Family Violence. An extreme area of marital conflict with more acuity, perhaps, is family violence and aggression. Children’s future levels of depression, anxiety, maladjust­ment, and poor behavioral outcomes are also affected by family violence. Family aggres­sion, violence, and related dysfunction have been implicated in poor behavioral problems in children. Specifically, domestic violence (DV) between parents negatively affects not only future behavioral problems but also interpersonal relationships and psychological functioning (Edleson, 1999).

Several reasons for this relationship exist. The first reason is modeling (Diamond & Muller, 2004). Social learning theory suggests that children learn behaviors through observa­tion of and modeling from people within their environment (Bandura, 1973). Children who witness violence learn maladaptive ways of functioning in future interpersonal relation­ships (Zimet & Jacob, 2001). Parents who model violence for their children teach them how to behave in other contexts of their lives— whether it is being violent, or being the victim of violence, in future interpersonal relation­ships. Likewise, a study on suicidal ideation in youth found that parents who have ineffec­tive communication and poor problem-solving skills are less likely to model adaptive reactions to stressful situations and, thus, model mal­adaptive coping strategies (Chen et al., 2009).

The second reason for the relationship between DV and poor future psychological outcomes is enduring feelings of insecurity within the family unit (Diamond & Muller, 2004). Children who are exposed to chronic feelings of insecurity in terms of the stability of the family are likely to develop insecure levels of attachment and, thus, develop maladaptive psychological patterns as adults (Diamond & Muller, 2004; Zimet & Jacob, 2001).

A third compelling notion for the interac­tion between DV and poor psychological out­comes is the child’s attribution of the violence. How a child attributes the violence affects the coping strategies she or he employs through­out life and, thus, leads to poor psychological adjustment such as depression and anxiety (Snyder, 1998). Specifically, if children in vio­lent homes attribute the violence to their own actions (e.g., the child overhears arguments that involve or regard him or her), they often feel an overwhelming sense of responsibility and guilt for the violent behavior.

The final postulation that DV between parents has a lasting, negative impact on psychological functioning is the impact that the violence, aftermath, communication, and high levels of stress have on the parent-child relationship. Parents in violent relationships may be communicating (nonverbally or other­wise) that they are emotionally unavailable to the child and may be displaying a lack of atten­tion and responsiveness to the child (Diamond & Muller, 2004). This physical and emotional unavailability contributes to a deterioration in the parent-child relationship and invites children to develop their own coping strate­gies, which often includes coping by using substances to mask the anxiety and depression. Attachment. Parent-child attachment has implications for many mental health outcomes, and poor parent-child attachment has also been named as a cause for the development of anxiety in children. Attachment is defined as a long-lasting emotional bond between a child and an attachment figure (Ainsworth, 1989). A child develops a secure sense of attachment when he or she perceives that the attachment

figure responds in an emotionally and physi­cally available and consistent way. It is from this secure place that children launch to explore the world and have confidence that the secure “base” will be there when needed (Ainsworth, 1989). Children develop insecure patterns of attachment—either ambivalent or avoid­ant—when the attachment figure responds in an inconsistent, unavailable, and insensitive manner (Ainsworth, Blehar, Waters, & Wall, 1978). Children are less likely to seek respite and comfort from this insecure “base” in times of need. The quality of early-life parent-child attachment is said to influence development of personality later in life (Bowlby, 1969). Bowlby (1969) suggested that children develop anxiety when they have concerns about the inability to rely on the unavailable and inconsistent attachment figure. Anxiety typically arises for these children when they are unable to predict when the inconsistent attachment figure will respond. If the prediction is incorrect, the child responds with fear and anxiety (Brumariu & Kerns, 2010).

Box 9.2 It Happens in Real Life: What About His Family?

The accused killer is one of two children. His younger brother, Robert, remembers typical sibling rivalry stuff and also, as a child and young adult, how smart and well rounded his brother was. Robert looked up to his brother. Neighbors remember him as friendly; helping out whenever he could. Robert recalls that his big brother was better (than he) at everything, was a National Merit Scholarship final­ist, and could have attended any college of his choice on scholarship. He came from a family of privilege-he went to a private high school; he is remembered as being a charming and handsome young adult. His family was baffled when he decided not to attend college at all. Instead, he took time off from school and went to live on the family ranch in a neighboring state.

In his early 30s, the accused had minor cosmetic surgery on his face-he had a mole removed. After the mole was removed, the accused became certain that doctors changed his face in a substan­tial way-that his face was no longer his. He told his brother, Robert, that people were following him. Robert knew something was amiss. This behavior was not at all typical. "I remember calling my mom and saying 'This is not about alcohol and drugs, this is a mental illness.' And she was just floored. We had no experience. We didn't know what to expect. What do you do?” (Hyde, as cited in Stafford, 2007, para. 183).

Although his mental illness was successfully controlled for much of his life, as the days, months, and years went on, the accused's mental health became less stable. Doctors changed. Medications changed. The accused changed. Tragedy unfolded in 2005. Robert says about breaking the news of the shooting spree to his mother: 'And you just never think that that would ever happen in your life that you'd have to say something like that to your mother” (Hyde, as cited in Stafford, 2007, para. 227).

In summary, this section examined four types of communication and conflict issues in families: (1) family communication and mari­tal conflict, (2) parenting, (3) family violence, and (4) attachment. They represent general patterns of communication and conflict with conflict embedded in each. The effects on mental health for each of the four types of communication and conflict issues were also identified. In the next section, the effects of mental health disorders—both for family con­flict and for other aspects of mental health— are discussed.