Socialization for Mediation

The expectation that people will step in to mediate and the ability to do so are taught to boys and girls from an early age as they learn about respect, cooperation, and re­sponsibility.

Respectful behavior is demonstrated by showing deference, regard, and consid­eration for the feelings and needs of others in the group. This same ideal exists in another Zapotec community of the Oaxaca Valley, where Selby remarked on the ele­gant manners of villagers: “the soft-spoken manner, the ritual greetings, the enor­mous care not to offend, the specially groomed vocal inflections to indicate every shade of respect, the kissing of hands, and above all, the gravity of manner that marks a man of respect” (1974: 4). In general, all members of the community de­serve a basic level of respect, especially those who are older, senior kin, or leaders. Children as well as adults are accorded respect. For example, if a small child is play­ing it is wrong to snatch the child up and quickly leave. This shows lack of consid­eration for the child's feelings and the child may become ill as a consequence, for the child's soul may be left behind, since the souls of children are not yet securely attached to their bodies. Proper behavior toward the child means telling the child to get ready to go because it is time to leave. The expectation is that once told, the child will obey and prepare to leave.

From childhood on, both men and women are taught the values associated with extended family structures of dependence training societies: cooperation, obedience, and sharing (Sung 1985, Wolf 1966: 69-70). These values are communicated through extended breastfeeding and co-sleeping patterns, a high degree of physical contact between kin, sharing meals together, participation in family rituals, and par­allel work patterns in which children work alongside their parents or other senior kin.

For Zapotec villagers a sense of respect is intertwined with dignity and trust. This sense of dignity can be seen in the way that people walk. Zapotec market women are noted for their erect bearing that conveys pride and confidence. Being raised to believe they are worthy and deserving of respect gives children a sense of dignity. Most small children are treated with a great deal of affection and solicitude, being embraced, held, and kissed by everyone from their parents and siblings to sen­ior kin and other children in the village. Small children are rarely punished. When

they cry, fuss, or misbehave they are held and played with, both to distract their at­tention and to reassure them. Among the Zapotec, children are socialized through “skinship,” a high level of bodily contact that is considered “essential to the devel­opment of a sense of well-being and interdependence in the child” (Hendry and Le- bra, as cited in Pader 1993: 126).

From their embodied experience of being wanted and loved, children develop a sense of trust for close kin, but they are also taught to distrust outsiders. Just as the family represents the womb of security in which everyone should feel safe, the out­side world is a place of danger where people and things cannot be trusted. Every­thing scary, mean, nasty, and bad is portrayed as coming from outside the family, whether it is bad air, a black dog, sprites and witches, envious neighbors, the evil eye, or people from the city and the federal government. Trust is accorded to an out­sider only gradually, when that person has earned it through respectful language and reliable behavior.

Yet respect is neither absolute nor unwavering. Respect flows out of one's inter­actions with others, and it can be earned or lost. To be accorded respect one must embody the values of the society: to conduct oneself with decorum and humility, to honor senior kin, to fulfill one's obligations, to share generously, to cooperate in vil­lage activities, and to show consideration toward others. Such people are calm, speak in low tones, and move with grace. High praise is to say a man or woman is respect­ful, responsible, and fulfills their obligations. By contrast, people who are stingy, di­visive, or volatile are looked down on, as are those who act in a noisy, abrupt, or ag­gressive manner. Some of the worst things that you can call a person are selfish, disruptive, or irresponsible.